Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Not Your Regular Suburbia

You Know You Live in Colorado when...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and
he stops at the Adult Day Care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You Know You Live in Arizona when...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You can open and drive your car without touching the car door
or the steering wheel.
3. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water
in the toilet bowl.
4. You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
5. You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
6. "Dress Code" is meaningless at high schools and universities.
7. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
8. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
9. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
10. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when
you open your oven door.

Welcome to Alaska !
Today when you exit the cruise ship to tour the beautiful countryside,
please keep in mind that it is home to many bears.
Make sure you carry with you several small bells and pepper spray.
While black bears are the less harmless of Alaskan bears, grizzlies that
are dark in color are easily mistaken for them.
In order to tell the difference, look at the bear's dung.
If you see small bits of berries or some squirrel fur, it's a black bear.
If you see several small bells and pepper spray, it's a grizzly.

T r u c k  S t o p  D i n e r 
A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large
trucker sit down at the counter and order, "Gimme 3 flat tires
and a couple of headlights."
Bewildered he goes to the kitchen and tells the cook, "I think
this guy's in the wrong store, look at what he ordered!"
The cook says, "He wants 3 pancakes &2 eggs sunny-side up."
A few moments later, the waiter takes a bowl of beans to the trucker.
He looks at it and growls, "What's this? I didn't order this!"
The young man tells him, "The cook says that while you're waiting
for your parts you might as well gas up."

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